I created a blog about creating things and then got so busy creating things...I forgot about the blog!
Today was not a good day. I had to stop myself from picking up the phone just to hear her voice on the message. But then, it's been an awful few weeks for me and I feel the need to write about it. Maybe that's a way to work things out for me.
January 25, 014 my Mother passed away at the age of 82. Her health has not been good for a while and I fear she was feeling worse than she was letting on. Ironically enough, that was date I had planned to fly out for a birthday celebration for my 86 year old Dad and to spend the week with them just enjoying family time. I give much thanks to the man I spoke with...and cried on over the phone...who allowed me to change an airline ticket that I shouldn't have been allowed to change, all free of charge. I was able to get out of Indiana before horrendous snow would have trapped me and that allowed me to be there with my mom.
She was only really conscience the first day I was there. I was able to reassure her I was there to take care of Daddy for her, always her first worry. I watched relief wash over her face. He wasn't in good shape either, having fractured his ankle just 2 weeks earlier! We didn't talk, she couldn't, she had a respirator in. Sadly, the one day she was off it for a bit, we were trapped by a snowstorm and couldn't get to the hospital.
The week there was awful, dad got ill and ended up in the same hospital. I had a fall on the way out of my house when headed to the airport and eventually I found out I had fractured my foot. My son in Purdue was on lock down in his dorm because there was a shooter on campus and all I could do was watch on my laptop. So many bad things happened that week along with watching mom get weaker and weaker.
I fear we were getting to a point of having to make a decision when she took it out of our hands. I was with her a few hours that day and I told her if she had to go, then let go. I understood. I didn't have to like it but I understood. And I'd be there for Daddy. And I'd take good care of my half of her fabulous grandchildren of whom she was so proud!
I was alone with her and holding her hand and I'm grateful for that. She never left us alone when we truly needed her, and I wasn't going to leave her. They tried to revive her but then dad arrived from his room and made the only decision that 60 years of love could allow him to make. "Let her go." She never knew he was ill at the time, or about my foot or the fact that her son in law was trapped in Indiana, crying.
I wanted to scream, "But I'm not ready! I'm not done needing my mom!" But are we ever really done needing our parents? Probably not, just like we're never done worrying about our kids.
My mother wasn't a saint. No one is. But she was a good person. She loved her family fiercely and protected them the same way. NOTHING made her happier than having us all around her. She would never knowingly hurt another person and treated everyone the way she wanted to be treated. As I made 'the calls' to people...her hair dresser, her nail tech, her PT lady...I heard again and again how wonderful she was, how much they loved "Mary Lou and Walter" and how cute they were together. If you knew my mom and dad, you loved my mom and dad, that's just the way they were.
I was always proud to tell people my mother was on Facebook and did her banking on line and all the rest that came with being fairly computer literate. My mom was ALWAYS with the times. She was a very smart woman. Did the New York Times Sunday Crossword in pen...because she could.
I miss her terribly. My phone is too quiet. I want to share how I created some cute things for one of the salons and I have an order for this and a compliment on that...but I can't. And that's hard. I used to love to send her pictures of Lauren and she'd brag about how beautiful she was and how proud she was of her. And pictures of Tyler in Purdue Marching band and she'd brag about how talented and smart he was. All the little day to day things we take for granted. They can be taken away in a blink of an eye. But I come away from this with something positive, too. I have family and friends (some I've never even met in person!) who love me and have stood by me and tried to help me along. I am eternally grateful to all of you and wish I could hug you all in person.
If you've stayed with me this long, thank you. I know this blog is supposed to be about creating things, my favorite thing in the world to do. So here's what I'm asking you to create...memories. Lots and lots of good ones. And tell that person you're creating them with just how much they mean to you. And in doing that, you'll create JOY. For you and everyone you interact with.
Go Create Joy!
